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Advice for Betrayed Spouses – What to Do and What Not to Do
We came across the following piece of advice somewhere online. Neither one of us can remember exactly where, though it has the distinct feel of the Marriage Builders forum.
In general, it offers sound advice for betrayed spouses to follow after affair discovery. As with any advice piece, it may not apply in its entirety to your situation. The fog does NOT usually go away until no contact has been established and has gone on for quite a while, sometimes online dating for betrayed spouses may take as long as the affair itself lasted.
I am really struggling today. My spouse of 32 years has been having an affair with a woman that he works with who is 33 years old. He has lied to me and numerous councilors. I want to save the marriage but I feel like I have been doing a the work. I have asked him to decide if wants to work on the marriage or pursue life outside the marriage. I even gave him a deadline. He has been vacillating between me and the affair partner for the last year.
It is disrespectful and humiliating to our marriage and our family. I have always had hope but I am beginning to lose hope. I think the fantasy is too appealing to him. I feel like my life is falling apart. He has exactly what he wants now, you and her. Which in my opinion is the ABSOLUTE worst place to be. Limbo has been hell for me. Periodically he has shifted toward me and the family and that is wonderful and confirms that I want to save the marriage. I feel abandoned, online dating for betrayed spouses, afraid, angry and alone, online dating for betrayed spouses.
Giz, I appreciate your response. Sometimes I feel like I cannot think clearly. If he is having such a hard time deciding if he wants to work on the marriage- why do I even want him?? Yet, online dating for betrayed spouses, I do love him and am struggling to hold things together. I never dreamed life would be easy but I certainly did not see this challenge coming! You are welcome, Lin. Dear Lin, online dating for betrayed spouses, I fuly agree with Giz here, get out of the limbo.
Almost a year after D-day its 3y now I stumbled on some internal maling and realised they had gone underground as I thought he was keeping his online dating for betrayed spouses professional. It gave me huge shock but somehow this site had prepared me for this.
I realised is online dating for betrayed spouses not up to me to fix the marriage. He first had to decide what he wanted in life. I decided then I was getting myself prepared for the worst : devorce.
So I was lucky I could go for a 3months parttime parental leave drop in income but I needed time to breath I went to counseling on my own, saw a solicitor just to see where I stood and what precautions to take. I told him a week before that I decided to work parttime for the next 3months so i had the time to figure out what I was goiing to do. It really shook him up bigtime. I think only then did he come out of the fog. what happend in those two years is for another post. One other advise ; keep thrusting your gut feeling in deciding wich road to chose.
Good luck and hang in there. It does get better whatever the outcome! Unfortunately, I did every single thing on that list that a BS is NOT supposed to do. We are still together, still working on it, online dating for betrayed spouses, blah, blah, blah, and all that, but it has been 11 months of pure hell. Worst of all, I saw the signs of it happening and did not interpret them for what they were because of the trust I had in him.
I feel I have most achieved getting the truth from him, but it took a lot of work and actually having a really nerdy friend with access to a lot of serious computer equipment for me to see the real nature of their relationship. I ended that when I announced I was his wife when I caught him on a call with her. This relationship took place entirely online and on the phone, yet he still claims he did not have an emotional affair.
He spent hours a day on a game where the two of them played all day long, all nite long, every night for 4 months. My instincts were screaming that something was wrong and I kept telling him he needed to tell her he was married. He was probably laughing behind my back whenever I said that. Of course he denies this. I am recovering from partial paralysis for online dating for betrayed spouses past 3 yrs.
Just discovered my wife seeing someone else … she said I am sick and imagining things. I was sitting at apartment bench at around midnight when I saw her walking into apartment.
I asked her where she went? She said having coffee at Starbucks with a lady colleague. I asked for her phone to confirm she had the appointment with her friend. She refused and said my sickness is causing me imaginations.
Wife is also refusing to return me the settlement money paid by hospital. I am sleeping in different room now. I honestly thought that my marriage was done that there was no saving it. I was on medication for my mental health and as advised by my doctor I had stopped taking a few of them, and when they were out of my system I saw things so much clearer and realized my mistake.
I ended my relationship, online dating for betrayed spouses was even working with my husband to move back home. Although I was still texting the op in secret. He refuses it all. His anger is bad, his belittlement is horrifying, his disrespect all of it. I dont want to lose my family because of a mistake in the darkest time of my life. I want to keep my marriage but I dont know how. Maybe you should not have cheated. If you had been betrayed, you knew how much damage that online dating for betrayed spouses caused.
Yet, you decided to act selfishly. I am the betrayed. I have been more than understanding and when my spouse comes out of his darkest moments I hope not to be there for him.
I hope to be like your husband. I hope to be strong and as disrespectful as he is to now. I will belittle him online dating for betrayed spouses much as he did me. I have told him often to open his eyes because he is sowing hate and he does not care. You did not care, now reap what you sowed. I hope your husband finds himself a woman worthy of him. You should find my husband as he is more in line with what you deserve. Or did you think that all the pain and suffering you were causing would just disappear because you decided to come home.
Your husband is not second best so go find your affair partner who you thought was the world. Aimee That is a lot of anger. I totally understand the rage a BS goes through but in the end we are still accountable for how we handle ourselves. MommaL I know that you realize that you made some really destructive choices, online dating for betrayed spouses.
Even though your husband has been betrayed he is still accountable for how he treats you. Please get some help for you!!! When I found out that my WS had cheated, I called the AP. I found phone records with hundreds of phone calls over 4 years. I told her I was his wife and that he was all hers. I divorced him and have never been happier.
Why would I want to keep a liar and a cheater? Who says he would change? He felt it was love, and he felt a lot more! Nothing would ever undo that fact! I am happy now! Notify me of followup comments via e-mail, online dating for betrayed spouses. You can also subscribe without commenting. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam.
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